haizy thoughts,
fill my brain,
empty thoughts
are my friend
freezing feeling
candles raise my desire
no more reason to stay
breathin breathin
explosion exposing
find my shape by
the moon light
deamons dreaming
breathin thinkin
i'm comin' back

Hero

Some “heroes” have it all, Success, family, women, happiness.

Some end up with a wife that leaves them and won’t speak to them, working their fingers to the bone, reining in an addictive personality, no real friends, a family that’s far away….

It’s not fun being a “hero”, its long days and longer nights, its being at work more than you’re not. It’s working 120 out of 172 hours in 1 week. It’s being on the edge, mentally and physically. It’s hanging on by a thread. It’s all you know.

It’s also being the best at the job. It’s knowing that you’re there because you have to be. For the “patient”, victim, and your brothers. You do it because you must. There is no choice. You didn’t choose this job, it chose you. It’s feeling the electricity in the air. It’s reigning in chaos, ice water in your veins as your heart rate never gets above 70 on a “stressful” call or when you keep it at 180 for 30 min in a 800 degree basement while the heat pushes you to the ground. It’s the excitement of a column of smoke over the trees. It’s the feeling of confidence when you get there and you know exactly what to do. It’s the siren and diesel. It’s handing out assignments as you do a walk around and nail it. It’s kicking in a door. Its smoke banked down to the floor. It’s loud and its violent. Its strength and its power. It’s fighting the fire, the beast, the dragon. It is a fight. It’s finding the fire and knocking it down, hooking ceiling until you can’t feel your shoulders and venting windows. It’s being tired and fatigued and never quitting. It’s your brothers in the fight and your brothers in rehab. It’s cleaning it all up and going home, to the station which is home. It’s being cold, wet, dirty, and hungry. It’s getting another job before you make it home and doing it all over again. Or running 4 or 5 BS belly ache/I stubbed my toe calls before you get to the station.